Many Korean immigrant parents do not understand the situation of their own children, who often inhabit two different cultures. These parents are finding themselves in a deepening and serious conflict, according to a number of recent reports on the generation gap between parents and children of immigrant families.

At a recent Good Fathers meeting, directed by Kim Sung-joong and under the auspices of Family In Touch, an organization that deals in family ministry, a father of two daughters – one in fourth grade, the other in eight grade – said he no longer has meaningful conversations with them because of generational conflicts. He said that out of frustration he raises his voice at them. He also said that he expects his older daughter to take care of her younger sister in her spare time; however, the older girl refuses. Instead, she seeks the company of her friends and peers, choosing to spend her spare time with them. This situation is causing the father great trouble and anxiety.

Another parent reported that when she reproached her daughter, the child’s loud response was, “I’m sleeping over at a friend’s house tonight.” The mother blames herself, lamenting that in the past she raised her voice, or screamed at her daughter.

Another mother said that her own daughter is so selfish that she refuses to attend any family meetings or functions. “I’m very worried that she rejects the idea – and the reality – of the traditional Korean family so adamantly.”

A father painfully admitted that his youngest son, who is in eighth grade, purposely ignores him, and that he no longer knows how to handle his eldest son. Another parent, whose daughter is in the 10th grade, reports that the girl repeatedly lies for, or about, her boyfriend. “I’m so disappointed in my daughter’s behavior,” the mother said.

Frustrated parents often feel that their children do not listen to them and thus yell at their children; in the parents eyes the children seem selfish. Parents are frequently disappointed with their children, because they think that there is something wrong with them.

Dr. Young-eun Huh, a specialist in multi-cultural education, and a lecturer at the Good Fathers meeting, emphasized that if parents want to have good and effective conversation with their children, the most important factor is a basic understanding of the culture their children belong to and operate in.

Dr. Huh noted that children of Korean immigrant parents “belong” to two cultures: at home, they are immersed in Korean culture; outside of the home – especially in school – they must function in American culture. This naturally creates conflicts, which get carried out at home. Therefore, Dr. Huh pointed out, if children are forced to stay solely in their Korean culture, they are very likely to openly rebel against it.

According to Dr. Huh, it is not strange in American society to have a direct conversation with someone, seeking and holding eye contact, even with the elderly. These very natural “American” actions are misunderstood in Korean society, and seen as expressions of selfishness, or disrespect. In order to overcome and solve this generation gap, parents must focus their effort on understanding American culture. Understanding their children will come with that.