Bangladeshi men in the United States face a serious marital crisis. Many of them look for their potential brides for months, with no results. Often, out of frustration, their parents get involved, trying to convince their sons to look for a woman in Bangladesh, rather than in the United States.

According to most parents, the number of potential brides is two times higher than the number of Bangladeshi men looking for a wife, The Weekly Thikana has learned. More than 65 percent of marriages in the Bangladeshi community are made possible through advertisements.

Recently, more than 100 Bangladeshi parents from New York, Texas, Michigan, Illinois, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, Vermont, Pennsylvania, Washington, California, Ohio, Delaware, Georgia and Florida contacted Thikana, responding to an advertisement for their daughters. Most of them were looking for a highly educated groom, 32-years-old or older.

Some of the Bangladeshi men in the United States who are looking for a wife have a Ph.D, while others have a master’s or bachelor’s degree. Most of them have legal status in the country. But finding a wife, despite their high educational attainment, is difficult.

A Bangladeshi mother from Texas said that she wants her son “to get married in the United States.” But if a woman was raised in U.S. society, she said, there may be a possibility of cultural differences and it may take time for a couple to understand each other. On the other hand, the mother said that if a beautiful and educated woman is brought from Bangladesh, it may take time for her to adjust to a husband who has been accustomed to U.S. values. If they can’t deal with that adjustment time, then there might be a problem.

One mother, who wants to remain anonymous, said that she put an advertisement in Thikana. “I got a lot of responses, but I am not getting what I want. Age has also been a problem with many of the respondents.”

A Bangladeshi father living in Brooklyn, New York said that his son, who is studying medicine, is looking for a bride.

“I want a qualified bride for my son; it is difficult to find one. Sometimes I find a potential bride, but my son does not like her. But I will do what I can do for my son. He hasn’t gotten his green card yet. As soon as he does, I will take him to Bangladesh to look for a bride. If I find a U.S. citizen for his bride, then my son would have no problems,” the father said.

A professional Bangladeshi man from upstate New York told Thikana that it is truly difficult to find a qualified Bangladeshi bride in the community. “I am looking for a bride who is younger than the groom. The bride must be 28 years old for a 32-year-old groom.”

However, the elders in the community have a different opinion. They said, if you marry here you run a great risk of being deceived because you don’t have a chance to really judge the family of the bride or groom, to know their forefathers’ identity and get to know their family traditions or social status. All these matters are important in the making of a relationship. Family traditions are important; the fact that you are earning money in the United States does not make you a good person. There are examples of that everywhere; there are many incidents of men keeping a girlfriend even after bringing a highly educated beautiful wife from Bangladesh. Divorce rates are increasing – some have even occurred within one year of marriage.

Freedom fighter Abu Taher (Bir prattik) who is living in Philadelphia told Thikana, “I have arranged marriages for both of my son and daughter by taking them to Bangladesh. My son’s wife came to the United States as an immigrant. My daughter’s husband is coming soon. They are all good. This was my expectation. This is the expectation of all expatriates.” Abu Taher said it is necessary to convince the eldest son to marry . It is not good to do anything under pressure, but if you make them aware that it is a necessity for the future, there will be no problem.

Veteran resident in New York, Abul Kalam, said that community-based functions could be useful for finding qualified brides or grooms for our children. If you take the children to those functions, the children get the chance to mix with the children in the community. Through that, guardians would also have a chance to obtain information about the potential brides and grooms. The community should be arranged to function that way. If any untoward incident happens in the community, no guardian would like to bring his children there.

Fazlul Haque, editor of the Weekly Darpon and founder and principal of the Shaesthagonj College, said, “Every bride wants a likeable groom, and a groom wants a likeable bride, mothers want resources and fathers want family tradition, while others want their share of sweets. But when you are abroad, most of those expectation cannot be fulfilled.”