When Titilayo Eketunde (not her real name) emigrated to the United States from her native country of Nigeria in 1990 at age 25, she had only one ambition: to become a medical doctor. On arrival in Houston, Texas, Titilayo already had a Bachelor’s degree. She got a job as a teacher in a suburb of Houston and quickly enrolled in a medical school. As Titilayo who has realized her ambition of becoming a medical doctor, told it to a confidant recently, her elevated status has reduced the pool of eligible bachelors to settle down with.
She confided that while at medical school, as an immigrant the chances of her getting hitched there were non-existent, as there were only two African or black male students in her faculty, while the rest were white or ladies. Since she was new in town then, her circle of friends was also limited.
Now that Titilayo has graduated and is approaching 40, she is finding the dating game more tasking than her medical studies. She has discovered that the eligible bachelors are scarce and unwilling to commit while the rest of the men are those already married and still looking for a date, and those not in her economic bracket are looking for a lady who will shoulder their financial burden.
For Cecilia Asamoah (not her real name), a Ghanaian trained nurse who came to New Jersey From Kumasi to better her life in 1995, her success in the United States has been diminished by broken dreams of failed marriage and unrealized heartbreak.
According to family sources, when Cecilia began to make it in the United States financially, she sought discreetly an eligible bachelor that she could marry. Those who were introduced to her did not meet her expectations so she traveled to Kumasi, her hometown in Ghana, to meet Adjei (not his real name), a man who had been introduced by a relative. She liked the man and went through an elaborate marriage ceremony, filed immigration papers for him and imported him into the United States.
As soon as Adjei arrived in the United States, Cecilia discovered that she had made a big mistake. Adjei, who had told her that he was a nurse, turned out not to be one; he had only a General Certificate of Education (GCE). Cecilia attempted to work on the relationship, but Adjei had other ideas. The marriage finally collapsed and Adjei moved to the Mid West, and Cecilia has remained on the shelf since then returning to her palatial residence every night from work an unfulfilled woman.
Ijeomah Ukwu (not her real name) came to the United States in the 1980s with her husband from Nigeria and quickly settled in a big city in Ohio. She worked as a businesswoman while the husband, Daddy C (not his real name) drove a cab. After 10 years together and three kids, Daddy C fell into bad company and got involved in the drug trade. He got caught and is now serving a long sentence in a U.S. prison.
Ijeomah got a divorce with the intent of marrying Chief Odiegwu, (not his real name), who had been chasing her even while she was married to her ex-husband. According to sources, when Ijeomah got her divorce, suddenly Chief Odiegwu developed cold feet and did not want to have anything to do with her. At 44, Ijeomah has not been able to remarry even though she desperately wants to.
According to African Abroad USA investigations, these three illustrations are symptomatic of how difficult it has become for single ladies to meet and get married to their male African immigrants or even African Americans. The findings show that spinsters, widows, temporary “widows” (for those whose husbands have been deported) in search of eligible bachelors find the competition very stiff.
Many eligible bachelors, African Abroad USA found, are not willing to commit to long term relationships leading to marriage. This position is supported by a 2002 survey by the U.S. Census Bureau on marital status, which found that “overall, men were also more likely than women never to have been married and women were more likely than men to be divorced or separated.”
The investigation also shows that most African immigrants came to the United States with their cultures and biases, which they practice discreetly or indiscreetly. Unmindful of the fact that as immigrants, the pool of eligible bachelors is further depleted because of their emigration to a new land, and many forbade their daughters or sisters from marrying into other ethnic groups, even when they are from the same country in Africa. Tribalism has stopped many budding relationships from moving forward because some parents still frown at such pairing.
It is also a cultural taboo in many African cultures for women to be actively seeking partners. Men are expected to make the first move. Unlike the Indian immigrant community in the United States, where the parents place advertisements in newspapers seeking partners for their daughters, the reverse is the case in the African community.
African parents are completely out in who becomes the groom of their daughters and in some cases, even the daughters are also out leaving the stage for the men to make the move. In most cases, the men do not make the move, which has resulted in many ladies remaining on the shelf on the issue of matrimony. Many ladies have not helped matters by acting as if they do not care about love of marriage while going back to lament.
African Abroad USA also finds that when some of the ladies meet eligible bachelors, they are unable to hold on to such relationships because of their selfishness, being too devoted to their job, and not showing the man in their life that they are the best for them.
According to an eligible bachelor, there are some ladies who earn more than the man in the relationship but will never pick up a tab or buy a meaningful gift for their lover. He said most men will take to that mean that the ladies will not contribute materially to any marriage that may result from such a union and most eligible bachelors quickly bolt.
