The mistreatment of women – banning them from working, denying their freedom of speech, preventing them from visiting their relatives, withholding their wages and not giving them money, experiencing physical abuse and sexual repression, and dealing with a husband’s extra marital relationships – is a growing problem in Bangladeshi community.

This was discussed by the speakers at a seminar held on January 6, in a Jackson Heights restaurant, to exchange opinions on “family and social crisis in expatriates’ life and how to survive the crisis,” arranged by Society of Concerned Bangladeshis Abroad.

Professor Husne Ara described some gruesome incidents that occurred in the Bangladeshi community, where women became victims of their male partners. Ara said that, in such situations, as concerned people we can’t keep our eyes closed.

Ali Anwar, professor of Rajshahi University and recipient of Bangla Academy Award, said at the seminar that our human culture envisages women as the servants of men. In Bangladesh, he said, more than 90 percent of women don’t sign their marriage registration because they don’t understand the value of doing so. “In our society, men think of women as inferior,” said professor Anwar. For example, he mentioned that during the Bangladeshi war of independence, the occupation forces detained women in different warehouses and used them later. “Women should not be considered as garments,” he said, adding that in socio-political and economic fields men control all the power.

But the mistreatment of women is not a problem confined to Bangladeshi community alone, rather it’s prevailing around the world. The subservient position of women has been discussed for the last 200 years. In Bangladesh, there are organizations have been formed with the goal of preventing torture of women, but those are led by men.

Anwar said that counseling for both sexes is necessary to overcome the situation.

Syed ur Rob, president of the Weekly Thikana and event organizer, said that, before inquiring about solutions, one has to discover the genesis of the crisis. Placing blame for a family’s crisis on an individual is not the way to solve the problem, he said.

“Everyone is busy with their own problem, and no one has the time to think about others. Changing the economic situation of a family is essential to overcome their crisis, as a family’s well-being depends on their economic affluence,” Rob said.

Simultaneously, he added, parents should impart education about the negative and positive aspects of their native country and the country of residence. But most parents in the United States, Rob believed, neglect their children while they run after dollars. He said that due to economic reasons, many couples engage in quarrels.

“When two people from different places get together, problems may arise based on differences in environment and family values. Each partner has to create confidence in the other’s mind and both parties have to show patience.”

Rob said that self-contentment was essential to create a peaceful situation. He cited several reasons behind problems among couples, which includes a partner getting married in their native country by telling lies; and pressure on daughters to marry any groom who has returned to Bangladesh from the United States, and agreeing to marry for a green card without looking at the groom’s past history.

There are many organizations abroad whose objectives are to file cases in court or do social services, Rob said, urging them to come forward to solve this family and social crisis.

Dr. Mnowara Begum said that Bangladeshis are living in a different culture and environment in the United States. If necessary, both husband and wife work to run the family, and the wife continues to work for the family after her day’s work is done.

There are no servants here, Begum said, therefore women in the home have to perform all kinds of housework, making them more oppressed in the male-dominated society. There may be unrest in the family due to alcohol and drugs, she added, stressing that children must be kept away from the family if such problems arise.

Commenting on a recent killing of wife by her husband in Jamaica, Queens, Begum said that the most affected were the children. Self-confidence and education are necessary for overcoming family crises, she concluded.

Joli Kor, one of the invited speakers, said that, many times, the women don’t want to express anything out of shame; they tolerate many things by keeping their eyes closed.

Rakiba Kibria, also a speaker at the seminar, said that everyone comes to the United States with a dream. When they don’t find compatibility between their dreams and reality, problems erupt.

Zakia Fahim, another speaker, said that after coming to the United States, the husband can’t give enough time to his wife, and then the problems begin.