In a survey of elderly parents of immigrant Bangladeshis living in New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Florida, Michigan, Atlanta and other states, conducted by the Bangla Patrika, it was revealed that 95 percent of the respondents lead lives filled with suffering.
These elderly Bangladeshis, who often are living with their children and their spouses, have very restricted lives and seldom leave the house, making them feel like prisoners of their circumstances. Many reported not getting proper treatment when they are ill. And most of the respondents stated that they are the primary baby sitters and the ones responsible for all the household chores, including the cooking and cleaning. Frequently, they found themselves at loggerheads with their daughters-in-law. The survey revealed many other issues, some that are narrated below.
A recent encounter with an elderly acquaintance at a candy store in Astoria of New York resulted in a tearful narrative: "Please save me from this situation," he implored – he is the father of a well-know community member. "My son is trying to bid me farewell from this world, through such a punishment that I am in hell at the last stage of my life. I wanted to spend rest of my life in my native country in a familiar environment. But my son convinced me to stay, saying that I would get good treatment here, that I would not be exposed to illness and have fresh food."
But the old man is still longing for his native country where he would pray five times a day at the local mosque with great satisfaction and felt God watched over him. He explained that here he has no one to talk to and cannot get to a mosque to pray in a regular manner.
"Am I in good shape having his good treatment and good food? Can I bless my child as I am suffering from such plights because of him?" he questioned rhetorically. "Of course not. I am cursing him for keeping me confined in such a condition. This beastly son says that I would get my citizenship in a short time and then I would have no problem traveling to and from my native country. If I get my citizenship, he says, I would be able to sponsor other persons who wanted to emigrate to the United States. But what would I do with that? My life will come to an end soon and then it will be farewell forever. My son is no longer a human being; ever since he got to America he has become like a machine – he works like machine, talks like machine. God will give him pain too," he added.
Wiping his eyes, the old man said, "You know, my wife has left for our native country secretly without telling me anything .She somehow managed to get my daughter-in-law to give her money to buy a ticket and she left. Tell me if this is a life. At this last stage of my life, I find myself in untold suffering."
Abdul Kadir, a green card holder, resides in Virginia. When he started talking over phone, he spent more than an hour talking about himself. "There is none to listen to me. I have grandson, granddaughter all in my home, but they all are busy with their own worlds. If I call my grandson and granddaughter, they show respect and sit beside me for a moment and then again they flee. If I call them repeatedly, they say that they are busy with their studies. Sometimes they say that if they stay with me they can't watch cartoons on television. Sometimes they say they are busy playing games on the computer. On the other hand, my sons only ask 'How is father?' and that's all. I have to do my own work at this old age. Had I been back in my own country, at least I would get the support of maid servant to do my work. Now I spend my days as if I was being punished."
Mr. Kadir said, with profound sorrow, that spending time alone inside the house had made him obsessed with being tired. One day he was so restless he left the house, no longer able to stand feeling confined. His son's home is located in place where there are no sidewalks, so he started along the side of the road.
"I think the people of the area are quite good. While I was walking, several persons driving by stopped and asked me if I had lost my way home, offering to drive me back. I felt completely free, almost like an animal that had been set free and broke the rules by walking on the street. And I felt that the people who offered to help me was like shepherds, who were trying to keep me inside a cattle shed."
He replied that no old man could enjoy this expatriate life with happiness.
