Not even the haunting fear of undergoing a major surgery to remove a malignant tumor from a kidney can compare to the emotional turmoil one family in Queens, New York, is experiencing as their youngest child is whisked away to war.

Norma Moodie-Waite, a Jamaican, and the assistant manager at the Fleet Bank at Jamaica Estates in Queens, is putting the life of youngest son, Deighton Waite, 22, an intelligence specialist in the army, “in the hands of the Lord.”

American-born Deighton just came back from Kuwait and was home for Christmas and wasn’t due to go again for another six months. He is based in Fort Stewart in Georgia and was on two weeks leave, and then suddenly he got orders. So he had to go. “He has to do what he’s prepared to do,” his mother said.

His life, it seems, is more important than hers as she faces the daunting task of undergoing major surgery at the hospital in a couple weeks. It’s a surgery from which she may not recover. Her husband, Judge Deighton Waite, a Barbadian, has undergone his share of medical emergencies having had major spinal surgery, which now has left him physically challenged.

“There are lots of challenges, but my family is deeply religious. We pray a lot and we know that God is in control and there is nothing we can do to change His will, we have to exercise faith and leave it all up to Him,” Norma philosophized.

Yet, Norma has chosen not to tell her son, Deighton, about her own predicament as he left for Iraq weeks ago, having gone before to Bosnia for a year; to Kuwait for six months and other places and information that she is not privy to know about.

“I don’t need to burden him any further. In fact, I prefer if he doesn’t know about me now, it’s just too painful now,” she said in an interview.

It’s a pain that several families are experiencing. Some are traumatized, experiencing weight loss, sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, and crying incessantly. For Stephanie Walton, an employee at the Marriott Marquis in Manhattan for the past 17 years, she uses the one-hour bus ride from Manhattan to Irvington, New Jersey to reflect on the near-miss experiences of her first born, Rayan Raymond, who is ‘somewhere in the South Pacific’ on the USS Paul Hamilton.

Ms. Walton, who lived on Swallowfield Road in Kingston, and a robust 160-lb woman, said she has lost over 10 pounds since she got an e-mail from her son telling her that she won’t see him “soon” as she had expected.

“I haven’t seen my son since last July,” she said, broken-hearted. “He was looking forward to coming home, and was on his way home from Australia when they received new orders, and now they are gone off to Iraq,” she groaned as the tears flowed from her eyes.

“Remember when the USS Cole was blown up by terrorists? Remember?” she asked. “Well, my son was there at the time. It could have been him, you know, it could have been...” she trailed off.

Terrorists blew up the USS Cole last year and several US Navy personnel were killed. While Raymond is sworn to secrecy by the Navy, and cannot discuss matters with families, Ms. Walton is of the opinion that the USS Cole incident was a mistake.

“It’s the wrong ship they blew up. I feel it was the one Rayan was on as that ship was carrying ammunition,” she said. Raymond left Jamaica for the United States when he was six years old and keeps in constant touch with his family via e-mails. His grandparents, Mr. and Mrs. Abdullah Saadiq (formerly Gayle), of Portmore, St. Catherine, are more positive about his desire to fight for his adopted country.

“He sends me regular Bible verses and takes his inspiration from Pastor T.D Jakes,” Mrs. Saadiq said when contacted. His last e-mail quoted one of Jakes’ pieces of advice on how to work in a hostile environment. “Don’t let your environment get inside you―keep a consecrated place in your soul.”

It’s that inspiration and belief that she uses for sustenance in dealing with the possibilities of what could happen to her favorite and first grandson. “I know I will see him soon.”

That level of confidence is not something to be taken for granted. The CNN report last week that if a soldier is killed “as a result of Iraqi attacks with chemical and biological weapons, the bodies will most probably be cremated on the battlefield to avoid contamination” has left families further shaken. Neither Mrs. Waite nor Ms. Walton nor Mrs. Saadiq wanted to think along those lines.

Popular Jamaican Grammy star Orville “Shaggy” Burrell, who moved to the United States when he was 18, served in the Marines and was on active duty in the 1991 Gulf War. Shaggy was said to be on tour last week, however, his mother Veronica Miller, remembers the concern, dread and trauma she went through as she waited for her son’s return.

“You have no idea how a mother feels, unless you have walked in that shoe. That is very scary. Just imagine you can lose your child in the war, and not only that you never get the chance to have one final look, all you see are ashes. I hope I don’t have to relive any of those fears,” Mrs. Miller said from Atlanta.

She recalled him mentioning that one of his most traumatic experiences during his time in the war was when he was shown body bags and told that he might not go back home.

“He had to live and fight with that in the back of his head. He was one of the gunners on the front line,” she said. “He remembers driving through a jeep through land mines and gambled big time with his life. He didn’t know where the land mines were, he just did what he had to do.”

For the budding religious minister in Hartford, Connecticut, Michael Wilks, he can relate to Shaggy’s experience. Michael Wilks, a Jamaican, served as an engineer in the Navy in the Persian Gulf for four months and would never do it again.

When he joined the military forces the thought of going to war did not cross his mind, but having done so, having been to the Middle East, the trauma suffered is too much.

“I didn’t really serve in the front line like the Army or the Marines, but when we had to recover bodies from the ocean, or having to negotiate ocean mines―I can’t put it in words,” Wilks, a pastor at the New Testament Church of God in Hartford, Connecticut, told me. His main responsibilities in the Navy were to ensure that the ship generated adequate fresh water; and made sure that the air-compressed systems were regularized. When asked if the benefits of joining the military outweighed the experiences, he hesitated.

“I learnt a lot and it was not a bad experience in the military until the reality set in. Nobody wants to go to war, but when you actually get there, it’s a different feeling.”

One of his benefits of having served was getting a college degree with no cost to his immediate family.

Through Peache Hyde, Honorary Consul in Chicago, the Bowlins told The Gleaner that the family is “not taking this war issue well at all.”

Barrington Bowlin is a 25-year-old communications specialist in the Army Reserves in Chicago, and has been given a medal by the Army for his achievement. He has been placed on high alert to serve in the war.

“His mother, Gloria Bowlin, is not taking it well, she doesn’t sleep well, and sometimes wonders if she is in a dream,” Hyde spoke on her behalf. “Gloria is a peace activist and wears the No War button in silent protest. She feels a sense of hopelessness and helplessness as her son waits to be called. She is hoping to see her son one last time before he is shipped off.”

For Gloria, a UWI-trained nurse, she and husband, Richard, a dental technician, came to the US over 30 years ago, it’s bittersweet memories. Gloria used to thrash the recruitment circulars that come in the mail, then one day when she was not at home, her youngest child Barrington, applied and the next thing the family knew, he was recruited. For Barrington, this will be his first war experience, but for his mother, Gloria, she hopes it will be the last.