Deodorant diplomacy: Saddam, dead or alive, by Lloyd Williams, Caribbean Life, 29 April 2003. English language.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark,”—“Hamlet,” Act I, Scene 4, Line 84

Have you noticed that the whereabouts of Saddam Hussein and his weapons of mass destruction have suddenly taken a back seat to the question of which avaricious conglomerates will land lucrative contracts to rebuild the Iraqi infrastructure? Does it leave a bad taste in your mouth to lean that a Fortune 500 company with very close ties to the administration already entered a secret, billion-dollar agreement with the U.S. government, well before the war was over?

Whatever happened to the notion of competitive bidding for federal contracts?

In any case, the once-urgent American mission to rid Iraq of its sadistic dictator has quickly taken a back seat ot the all-out rush to be among the first to cash in on its reconstruction. How come no one seems the least bit concerned about whether Saddam is dead or alive?

Was he really a ruthless monster, or was he just a U.S. puppet-turned-expendable nuisance standing in the way of progress and corporate profits?

After all, there was time when Hussein was a trusted ally, and one considered well worth a steady exchange of arms for oil. And remember, we had similarly quipped Osama bin Laden, though we ultimately reduced Afghanistan to rubble after declaring war in his name.

But we never found Osama and I wouldn’t be surprised if we never find Saddam, and I suspect that President Bush could care less, since the military has secured what he was actually after, the oil and the consumers. Now, instead of arms for oil, It’s on to Americanism for oil.

Big business abhors a vacuum, and I’m sure that the undeveloped Iraqi desert conjures up irresistible mirages of McDonald’s and Coca-Cola in the minds of corporate magnates, laboring under the relentless, Ponzi-scheme pressure to increase profits every quarter. And the possibilities are limitless, so long as Arab land burps black gold: from Ali Baba’s Holy Day on Ice” to Baghdad Disney World to “Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs” live at the Sahara Resort Casino to Victoria’s Secret runway models in see-thru burkas to a Starbucks at every oasis.

Iraq, the 51st state. You heard it here first.

Lloyd Williams is an attorney and a member of the bar in N.J., N.Y., Conn., Penn., and Mass.