Most Indians who decide to settle down in the United States have to confront the problem of how to raise their children in a culture entirely different from the one in which they were raised.
Too often culture determines destiny. It establishes a person’s desires, values, belief system and conduct. Desires govern a person’s determination, which is reflected in one’s deeds. I would like to share some of the ideas that have helped me teach my children how to integrate Indian and American culture.
The first thing a parent needs to realize is that children already know you have a bias toward Indian culture due to your background. Therefore, when you try to glorify Indian culture at the expense of American culture, your children will tune you out. This is obviously counter-productive.
Fortunately, I came to this country when I was quite young and I can claim I was equally exposed to both cultures. This helped me to demonstrate an understanding of Indian and American ways, giving me some credibility.
I also tried to establish a good rapport with my children and encouraged them to disagree with me, thus establishing a dialogue with them. To further the dialogue, I avoided constantly lecturing them and told them jokes. I spoke to them about their interests, like the latest toys, games, movies, television shows and celebrities.
I always told my children that while I might have had more experience, knowledge and wisdom than they did, I was by no means infallible. I was always willing to learn from them, as they were to learn from me. I asked them to correct me whenever I mispronounced a word and they really got a kick out of that! The idea was to create an atmosphere in which my children would be willing to listen to me and follow my advice. For no matter how great any advice may be, it is a colossal waste of time and energy if nobody heeds it.
I found it pointless to encourage my children to be ‘Indianized’ or ‘Americanized’. Having been thoroughly exposed to Indian and American cultures, I perceived many deficiencies and strengths in both. Instead, I chose to critically analyze both, assessing their positive and negative points, and to try to synthesize the best of both worlds.
My perceptions are based on general observations. It goes without saying, however, that individuals should be judged on their own merits. I mean to be outspoken, but I have no intention to offend any person or group of persons.
Strengths of Indian culture:
High value placed on religion, family, education, hard work, respect for elders, economy, chastity, fidelity, tolerance, patience, forgiveness, even-temperedness, long-term orientation, delayed gratification and subordination of individual interests to family/community interests.
Strengths of American culture:
Emphasis on independence, innovation, creativity, originality, adventure, flexibility, assertiveness, competition, extroversion, humor, charity, health and fitness consciousness, athletics, entertainment, pragmatism, self-criticism and leveraging one’s talents to the fullest extent.
Weaknesses in Indian culture:
Xenophobic tendencies, lack of political awareness, too much competition among themselves instead of with mainstream Americans, preoccupation with wealth, destiny, over-attachment to tradition, defensiveness about Indian culture, inflexibility, lack of interest in sports, lack of interest in developing hobbies, reluctance to work with one’s own hands and lack of interest in volunteer work.
Weakness of American Culture: Tendency towards impatience, acceptance of violence, instant gratification, short temperedness, over-reaction to problems, self-centeredness, lack of spirituality, more fun-oriented than work-oriented, ignorance of other countries and their cultures, glorification of youth, lack of respect for elders, permissiveness with respect to sex and substance abuse, litigious, obsession with sports, anti-intellectual.
On the surface, American and Indian cultures seem to contradict each other. But in reality, they can fit like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. To do so, it must be borne in mind that moderation is the key. It reminds me of an old story where a lame man and a blind man were lost in a forest. The lame man had good eyes and knew the way out of the forest, but could barely walk. The blind man, on the other hand, was strong, but could not see. Neither could get out of the forest alone. They decided to work together. The lame man sat on the shoulders of the blind man and told him which way to go. Soon, they were both out of the forest.
The lame man is like India—spiritually enlightened but materially handicapped. The blind man is like America—spiritually blind but materially strong. Though what I have suggested may sound simple, you will be surprised how many people will have difficulty in implementing it in real life. Some of the obstacles that may deter they are:
Confusing moderation with mediocrity: There is nothing mediocre about eating, drinking and sleeping moderately. By the same token, just because somebody is moderate, it does not preclude that person from excelling in his or her filed of endeavor. Moderation and excellence are not mutually exclusive. In fact, a healthy lifestyle can foster excellence.
Interpreting moderation as hypocrisy: Just as there is nothing hypocritical about mixing hot water with cold water while taking a bath, there is nothing hypocritical about synthesizing American and Indian cultures.
Seeing everything in black and white: Unfortunately, in real life, everything is not black and white. Besides, what appears to be 'white' may be made up of seven colors, like a rainbow. There is usually more to things than meets the eye. Integrating Indian and American cultures can, at times, become daunting for parents, because of the peer pressure children experience and pernicious influence of media and celebrities on them. But combining the two is not impossible either.
Pradeep Srivastava, 56, was born and raised in India and has lived in the US for 34 years. He lives with his family in Detroit, Michigan. He has a son and a daughter.
